It takes time

Look what turned up in a google search of 'mess management specialist,' the navy term for steward until 2004 (now it's Culinary Specialist). I was not randomly surfing the Web. Every now and then I tend to throw up terms that might yield some new information about Filipino Navymen, a favorite topic.

In an ironic and temporary role reversal, the picture shows us an officer waiting on a Filipino mess attendant (19th century to 1942) cum steward (1942 to 1973) cum mess management specialist (1973 to 2003) cum culinary specialist. As 98 year-old Ulpiano Santo reminded me when I interviewed him for a chapter I was writing, 'The title has changed, but the job is the same.'

I also serve. It was a triply pre-ordained job. My grandfather, as mess attendant, was a servant until 1935, a little under one-third of his life. That he became a waiter after his Naval career made things worse; at least in the service he wore a distinguished uniform.

I have inherited the tendency to wait on people. Being a female of course heightened my susceptibility to that disease, and the model from my mother's fifties-style wife-ing did not nothing to counteract my grandfather's legacy. As a Southern woman, she always waited on my father, who also demanded it of her.

Running up to my sixties I know this: If I don't stop serving, I'll do it automatically for the rest of my life. This will take an effort tantamount to re-programming my brain, or learning a new language. For example, just now I took a call from my hairdresser about a client of his, a friend of a friend of mine. 'Is T. still alive? he asked. 'Would you check? I have her down from Friday at 3:00, and I don't really want to call her cell phone to ask her, if she's like, dying.' 'Sure,' I answer.

Will I surely get to heaven faster for this kind of generosity?

No. Will it mean 30 minutes of my time, and stirred up emotions listening to T.'s story from her friend? Yes. What would I rather be doing with that 30 minutes: checking out the winter ballet lesson schedule, and the diving lessons offered this weekend.

My project for 2008 will be to less for people who are at the periphery of my life, and maintain my connections to those I love, and the countries I love (US, PI, Rwanda).


And if anyone in that close circle needs more of me for a bit, I will borrow that time from someone else, not simply stretch myself thin.